i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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