Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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