he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
