my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
