walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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