Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize