I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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