I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
