I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
