im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My balls are so social today.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We don't watch enough power rangers
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
