I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
