Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
