i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I checked into jail on foursquare
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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