Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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