Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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