Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Someone shattered a urinal.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
