My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
