At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
