standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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