u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
