You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
