I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
