he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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