sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
