fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
