a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
