THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
