So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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