matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
