your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize