Where did you get a picture of my penis
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
