i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
