covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
