look no pants
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
