I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
