i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
