Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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