her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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