With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The best revenge is premature balding
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
