i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
foreskin is a definite game changer
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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