Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
