He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
