just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My vagina is officially offended.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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