He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
