They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
