my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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