Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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