Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
