Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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