That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
