3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
