angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
