please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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