Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
