So drunk its hurt
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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