hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
