I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
