Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
