I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
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