two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
