Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
