no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
