I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
