i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
