You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
