I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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