i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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