Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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