Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
