i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
