Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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